Breaking Cycles and Setting Boundaries: Chelsea Clifton on Building Resilience in Life and Business

In this episode of Stylist Soul Tribe Conversations, I’m thrilled to welcome Chelsea Clifton, a licensed therapist and the founder of Mind and Heart Therapy. Chelsea specializes in helping parents and adults break generational cycles, overcome imposter syndrome, and set boundaries that empower them to thrive in both their personal and professional lives.

We dive into some powerful topics, including:

The importance of clear, flexible boundaries and how to set them in a way that serves you.
How reparenting yourself can transform your emotional regulation and relationships.
Recognizing people-pleasing as a trauma response and tools to overcome it.
Coexisting with imposter syndrome and pushing through discomfort to achieve growth.
Breaking generational cycles, both in family dynamics and career practices, to create a brighter future.
Chelsea also shares actionable tips for hairstylists and business owners on managing the emotional demands of client relationships, setting non-negotiable boundaries, and balancing work and family life with confidence.

Whether you’re a parent, a business owner, or someone looking to grow personally and professionally, this episode is packed with wisdom and practical strategies to help you step into your full potential.

Connect with Chelsea Clifton
Follow Chelsea on Instagram: @mindandhearttherapist
Download her free PDF on boundary-setting:https://stan.store/mindandhearttherapist/mindandhearttherapist_funnel_477395

Learn more about her therapy and coaching services: https://www.mindandhearttherapy.org/

Resources Mentioned
Book Recommendation: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud

Quotes to Remember:
“Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown
“Your feelings are valid, but they are not facts.”

Join the Conversation
Loved this episode? Share it on Instagram and tag us @StylistSoulTribe to let us know your biggest takeaway!

Thank you for tuning in, and don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. See you next week!

Apply for Stylist Soul Tribe Mastermind now! https://form.jotform.com/241785301437153

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Transcript

Audio Only - All Participants: 0:00

welcome back to Stylist Old Tribe Conversations. Today, I'm very excited to be joined by Chelsea Clifton, a licensed therapist specializing in helping parents and adults break generational cycles and cultivate better emotional regulation. Chelsea brings wealth of expertise in areas that resonate deeply with so many of us, such as setting boundaries, overcoming imposter syndrome, and breaking free from people pleasing tendencies. She's the founder of Mind and Heart Therapy and shares insightful content over on her Instagram, a mind and heart therapist, which of course I will have linked in the show notes. Chelsea, thank you so much for being here. How are you doing? Good. Thank you for having me. Chelsea and I got connected through a mutual friend, Laurel. She doesn't like to go by her last name on Instagram. Looks by Laurel. I don't know what she ever likes. She's she's Laurel Berry. She's Laurel Guadalalala. Whatever she is. Guadarama. I define her last name. Guadberry. So that's hilarious. Okay, Laurel Gwadbury. but Laurel has been on the podcast before we talked about social media a while back. Laurel is just a good friend of mine. I met her through a coaching program that we both did forever ago. And we have started Stayed in touch through all the years and she said, Hey, my friend Chelsea is a therapist and I really think that you guys would have a fantastic conversation on your podcast. So Chelsea dmd me on Instagram. We really don't know each other. This is our first time having a full on conversation. So we both said we're cool with just a really organic conversation, seeing where it goes. And like you said, everybody needs therapy. This is a kind of a business related podcast, but I also have a little bit of woo in it. And I think personal growth is the under, underlying factor of everything. So why don't you tell us just a bit about your story, who you are, where you're from, what got you into this kind of career trajectory, and then we'll just go from there. Yeah. I live in Southern California. Obviously I probably when this gets aired, the fire is going on right now. So life is just yeah, real time when we're recording this, it's January 9th. And I messaged Chelsea. I was like, do we need to reschedule? She's no, we're good. So that's great. Yeah. Luckily, like we're really safe. We're really inland and stuff. But yeah, just so being a therapist, it was always, I, Always been told since I was a kid you're a really good listener. You really can show compassion and empathy towards people. So like in high school they're like, what should you do? You're like, it just fell into place of doing something with mental health. And as I took college classes, it was such an interesting thing just to learn about the brain, why we do things we do, why we behave certain ways, things like that. And so when you graduate, you have to actually obtain 3000 hours afterwards before you can take a test to become licensed. California requires that you have 500 family kid hours. And I remember going to my boss and I was like, Hey, I need these hours, but I do not under any circumstances want to work with parents. And she's Oh, Fantastic. We're going to fill your whole caseload with parents. She was like, that means that's what you need to do. So why did you not want to work with parents? Were you a parent at that point? I was a parent at that point. I actually had my daughter while I was in grad school. Do you think studying psychology during pregnancy and postpartum was more helpful or more harmful? Cause I almost feel like that could be maybe a lot. I think, I don't know if it was, I would say it wasn't. It was all like theory. So I wouldn't say like I was able to at that point really be able to apply anything I was learning. But it definitely was interesting because I did take a child adolescent class. And so it was like, my daughter was one. I was like, okay, so we're at trust versus mistrust. we're at autonomy versus shame. So that's fantastic to have that layer. I didn't know, cause I feel like we'll get into probably mom guilt and overthinking imposter syndrome things which I have to assume you experience as well. So I didn't know if sometimes having that information, would be helpful, but I don't know sometimes when I know too much, then I spiral the other way. Yeah, I do remember they had us go to a seminar with, Tamping Bryson. So she actually helped write, no drama discipline and the whole brain child. So she was there and she's our speaker. And I remember it was like, we were there to learn for our clients. I was like, screw my clients. This is for myself. I was taking it all in. And that's actually the trajectory as well of starting to really understand, what was happening with your kids. And the behavior is just like a form of communication. It's not actually definition of what's happening with your kid Like it's them just trying to tell you like what's going on and so I think my bigger fear with working with parents is I just had this like intense fear That like I they were gonna yell at me or it was like fix my kid and I was like, I don't want that but as I started meeting with parents like Every single one of them came in just terrified. And what do we do? We feel so helpless. we feel lost. and when I really started working with parents, I'm learning how to reparent yourself. So it was like, your kid has this behavior, you become flooded and our brain tells us we'll fix the external thing because then I'll feel better. That's not going to work as opposed to let me take care of myself first, which as a parent is. Totally against your nature. So it's like, how do I focus on myself? Regulate myself, take care of my needs first, and then come in and help you. Cause once I'm regulated, now I have a better understanding of what's going on with you instead of us getting trapped in this cycle. And I think even talking about like salon business owners and things like that. I think the same thing happens, right? Like your client says something. Now you're panicked and I don't know what to do. I need to fix this as opposed to hold on. Let me just take that step back. Let me reevaluate the situation and then let me go in and help you. It can be really intimidating, overwhelming. Yeah. No, I wholeheartedly agree. And I've had this conversation with my clients. I've had this conversation with other hairstylists. I had a client for a while. I don't do her hair anymore. I'm not behind the chair a whole lot anymore, but she was a therapist as well. And I was just talking with her about stereotype that people use their hairstylists as therapists, but we're not licensed therapists, so they shouldn't do that, and I was talking with her about it, about, like, how extreme those cases were, especially when I was, like, working very full time, seeing a ton of new clients before I really dialed in my clientele. The things that people share with their hairstylist is wild. And I was telling my client about that one time and she was like, that's really fascinating. And she pointed out to me, she's people also, when they're talking about really hard things, sometimes struggle, like looking, making eye contact and being face to face and with a hairstylist standing behind you, you're with them for four hours sometimes more. Doing your hair, they're physically touching you. So like that intimacy barrier has been broken. So there's like very comfortable thing. Plus you're, it's not, you're not ever going to be looking them in the eye unless you're ever here and they're glancing in the mirror. She's that's actually really fascinating that people open up, but I can see why when she pointed that out to me, I was like, Oh, wow, that is really interesting. And so I know it is this Stereotypical thing and sometimes it gets laughed about but sometimes it's also like serious Like I know like I said those times that period of time when I was like really behind the chair a lot In doing a lot of new clients hair. I struggled with some of that those conversations and the weight that would come with people treating me like their therapist. I think I've gotten really good, with boundaries and all of that. But I remember I had a client when I was pregnant with my son who clearly was dealing with some sort of mental health struggles and would like for years be like pregnant, not pregnant, lose babies, things would get made up. There was like, custody things. She got her kids taken away from her really awful, horrible things. And I remember when I was pregnant with my son, she like told me that she was pregnant too, and then miscarried and then showed me like images of her miscarried baby that didn't look to me like that. And then I went home and Googled and they were Google images, like Fucked up stuff that people share with their hairstylist. And I remember that was the time frame when I was like, I really need to figure out something beyond doing this 24 7, because it's a lot energetically. So maybe we could dive into, like, how people balance. I know it's a very extreme circumstance, but even Jumping from, one client coming in and it's her birthday and you adjusting your energy to that. And then the next one comes in, that her mom passed away since the last time you saw her. And then the next one comes in and she just got a new job. And like that emotional rollercoaster is so much. And I think that let's even talk about that. Because even with that, it's like, how do I have these boundaries of like, how do I not take on my clients? I've had the most phenomenal sessions with my clients when we're eating, when we're on the ground looking up at the ceiling or they've been like, I need you guys. And I was like, great, let's go on a walk. And you're not looking at me and we're just walking around and sometimes moving the energy physically, I assume would be helpful too. I know I pace when I'm on the phone having a serious conversation. And I think just being able to hold this space of almost like this energetic ball of you can totally release that, but I'm not gonna take it on. when I've actually worked with grad students, I tell them I have a transitional object. you can see I have dangly earrings. I'm like, I'm working Chelsea right now. My family, unless it's an emergency, they know I am unavailable, but the second, all this is done, they come out and it's everybody else comes second, my family comes first. So for us, that could be like our apron that we put on or like what, it could even be earrings. That's fascinating. when did you decide that? And how did you implement that to decide once those earrings go in, I'm sticking with it. So that happened when I was in grad school. Cause I had a young kid, I had a one and a half, two year old. And I was like, I cannot sit here and panic about my clients all the time. even high risk clients, like you still have to have a boundary If I'm on negative five, I can't pour anything into you. So if I don't hold those boundaries hard, then I'm not going to be able to refill my cup and be able to show up for you authentically. If I'm, and I even tell my clients this of Here's what an emergency is. And I want you, if you need me, call me, but remember, I'm only half listening to you because I'm with my family. So I can't give you my full time, vice versa. I put my family on the back burner. So that way I'm fully present for you. And because of that, right? That's me being able to exchange energy with you. If I don't have those boundaries, I can't give anything to you. Totally. So from the perspective of a hairstylist, would you say those boundaries should typically or if you want to kind of transition this into family and personal life as well, just talking on boundaries, would you consider them mostly internal? Like they're mostly happening internally, like you putting your earrings on, and you know that or when do boundaries become like something that needs to be talked about with other people? And what is that line? Yeah, so I think this is great. I think this can apply to both hairstylists and to family, right? Which we have a lot of moms listening. So go that route if that's really your jam. Yeah, either way. I think it can. I think if you can learn to apply in both areas, it actually becomes a smoother transition, right? boundaries are the line that you create for yourself, whether they're set out loud or you're keeping them to yourself. So I think bringing up a really great point of we do have something like I like to call them internal boundaries. Sometimes I will tell someone else Hey and that's the boundary. I tell my clients, right? Here's what an emergency means. If you, this is, if you, if it's anything besides you are in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I am not answering your phone call. I will talk to you the next day. Here's the hard part though, is clients. Kids, family members will all push your boundaries, but they can't break them. Only you can break your own boundaries. In coaching, I wholeheartedly agree. I can't tell you how many people are like, I have a boundary and they're breaking it. I've read the book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, and that's, it's only a boundary if it's enforced. If not, it's just this idea that you talk about and you let yourself get upset about. Yes. I will actually 1000 percent give this to Laurel and I preach this to everybody. my best friend has the strictest boundary of he does not, everybody doesn't matter who you are in her life. you are going to get charged full price. she does not move that. Always applauded her for that because it is like I guarantee like people have asked people have tried to push and it's if I break this one, I know if it even becomes hazy like family or my best friend or this then it's this hazy thing and it's hard to stick with it. Yeah. But if you keep this line, that's why I said, I think it actually applies. If you can keep it in your professional life, you can start keeping it in your personal life. The hard part about boundaries though, is when somebody pushes it, I'm now activated. I'm now activated. And I start to panic of let me, okay. Let, okay. This one time, or it's your kids are like screaming five more minutes. You're like, just five more minutes. Five more minutes will now turn into an hour lifetime of this. Yeah. Yeah. Or with clients, it's well, you only charged me, X amount last time. So why are you doing this time where it's like you hold it and that's Brene Brown says this, and I will quote this till my last breath of clear is kind. Unclear is unclear. Love. And I tell people that, and even when I work with parents, right? I'm like, if your kid clearly knows your line, you are actually helping them. Even if they're pushing it, they know what your line is. And that gives them stability. Just like it gives your client stability to know exactly where your line is at. Yep. That's why I preach picking what your schedule is and don't change it. Your clients either know you work Tuesdays at three till 3 p. m. or you don't if sometimes you stay till 7 and other times then you're mad that you're, working all these, outside hours outside your schedule and overworking yourself. You are the one that creates those. I love that. I think that's a reminder people need to hear over and over again. Do you have any tips on how to say someone has thought they've had a boundary for a long time and they keep falling back into these like probably even subconscious behaviors. Like, how can someone decide, okay, from this point forward, I'm really choosing it. What are some practical, pieces of advice for that? Yeah, so I think whatever your line is, right? And I think, boundaries are flexible, right? So if you've made it this really far out thing, you can always loosen it or things like that. I think it's almost going back to your value system. What is your value? And it's like, how do I want to frame that? So for me, my value is my time I want to be able to pour into you. I feel called to pour into people all the time. But in order to do that, I have to have boundaries. So like with my kids, for example, right? Like I, my, I, and I pick one thing. So I think that's the other thing too is people like put almost too many boundaries. It's overwhelming and it's like I, as a mom, I'm like, pick one thing, pick one hill to die on, let everything else go. Yeah. What is your hill to die on? I'd love to know. Bedtime. I am a psychopath of bedtime, but you better believe I don't care what screen time, like you, I don't care. I'm not going to monitor that. You want to eat chicken nuggets five days? That's fine. I don't care. But it's you will be in your bed by seven 30. I don't care if you fall asleep, but you will be in your bed because I know. Yeah. And they don't co sleep with it. And that's just a personal choice. I personally just, I can't have anybody touch me. Like even my husband, there's like a wall between the pillows. Once it's bedtime, don't fucking touch me. And so that's where it's like my, so even if they get out of bed, my boundary is you're not coming in this bed. And I think there's exceptions, right? If my kids are sick, that's different. Because I got to keep an eye on you. But other than that, it's same with my clients. I tell all my clients, all emergencies need to happen before 5 p. m. Obviously things happen. Once again, if you were on the way to the hospital or you were like, I truly cannot keep myself, that is an exception to that boundary. And of course, we're going to make sure you stay safe. And so I think just picking one or two things that you're like, let me hone on this and let me practice this. Let me feel good about this. And then maybe adding on another boundary, like somewhere else in your life. And I think that kind of goes into which we have these as our two other talking points as well, reparenting yourself, which I know you said you're passionate about that and creating some resources around that. And these like people pleasing tendencies because I think for a lot of people, sometimes they don't even really know what that is. They just know that they feel chaos everywhere. They don't know if time is their boundary. They don't know if the finances are their boundary. They don't know exactly where it is. If you're feeling overwhelmed, let's try to pinpoint something for a little bit until that feels under control before we move on to the next thing. But what are some tips you have for people who almost have a hard time even knowing what those values are for themselves? Because I think we probably deal with very similar people that are seeking out help, seeking out support. I feel like some people don't even know that. How do you even go about starting to find those things that are really important to you? I think you could just look at your life. what are the things that bring me happiness? What are the things that I want to pour into my life, whether it's with my business or with my family life. And it's like the thing for me, and this is where I tell people too, is like with sleep, right? It's not just about you not touching me. It's I want to have fun with you the next day. I want to be a perfect mom for you. I can only do that if I am well rested, right? So are you an early to bed early to rise person? I can't. Yeah, I can tell because I'm the same way. My kids are now 12 and eight. They're getting older now and we have always, our household has always been fantastic about that bedtime. I'm the same thing with my husband. We'll snuggle. We'll watch TV. We'll do the thing once it's done. do not touch me, get your toes away from me, do not touch me. So we're very similar in that way cause that's how sleep is important to me. That's not the case for everybody, but that is the case for me. Yeah. And so I think that's a value of mine. And I think that even, it took time to even get there. And I think this is where there's beauty and flexibility and that's where I really. Preach to people is like the more flexibility you allow in your life, but better things are, and that's why boundaries are flexible. Like for a season, you might have to reign them in for another season. They could be a lot looser. Like it just is an ebb and flow. But I think even like with people pleasing how you brought that up of anything, even we don't intentionally mean to do with our kids or do with our clients. It really is like so we have these, trauma responses and people pleasing is actually considered a trauma response of, are you going to fight the bear, run away from the bear, play dead from the bear, offer the bear food and hope it doesn't eat you, right? So people pleasing is if I can control this outside circumstance. And make sure you're happy. I have zero control over you. I have to learn how to reparent myself. I have to learn how to give myself that need. And a lot of that was learned in childhood, right? I don't want mom and dad to be angry. I have to be on best behavior. I have to make sure I hide all my emotions. I have to push them deep down and let them out somewhere else. So that way I can make sure I don't end up in trouble or I don't get yelled at or so it's like I'm trying to control this. And I, and our little brains like, Oh, it's working. So when a client does text us, Hey, I need, I'm desperate. I need you to fit me in. I don't want you to get mad at me and I don't want you to fire me. So my brain is telling me I have no other choice to say yes, but when you can learn how to. Yeah. How do I sit with the uncomfortable? My clients all know this. I am like the master of we're going to sit in the uncomfortable because uncomfortable is where growth happens. Yeah. Hell yeah. I think there's an identity factor to that too. Cause I think some people, they're trauma responses. I don't want this person to be mad at me, but then I think there's also this identity of you're the helper and you get praised your whole life for being so helpful and so flexible. And you can always. Count on so and I think, shifting that, but it really is a fine line. Cause like you said, you can almost get so boundaried out that like, where is that line that you draw when it's okay, you're getting a little bit too far. and I like that you're saying, I think that the flexibility is where that comes in, versus just letting people walk all over you. It really is a fine line. And I think even with that, that kind of goes back to what is my value and even processing out? What are the exceptions to the rule? this is where it's different rules are for other people. Boundaries are for yourself. So like your clients need to know clear as kind, they need to know your rule, your boundaries. My kids know bedtime is seven 30. you want to stay up all night and talk to your stuffed animals. I don't care. But you're going to be in your room. Yeah. You have to be in your bed. And if you're not in your bed, now we're going to have problems, but my boundary is I'm going to reinforce, if you get out of your bed, I'm going to keep putting you back in your bed until you understand, we're not playing this game. I personally much prefer, I'm just thinking of people in my life that do have strong boundaries, and I much prefer, commingling with those people because I know I'm not doing anything that jeopardizes their well being because they're so clear on it. Like maybe their boundary, I'm just going to say like my esthetician or something, like maybe her hours aren't ideal with my schedule, but at least I know, like I, you hate being around those people that are just like, Oh my God, I just have no, I don't know how to say no, or I keep doing this, or I'm everybody's doormatter. Then you're like am I doing that to you? Cause you don't even know where their line is and where. That comfortable space of operating is. So looking in my circle, I feel like I respect people more, even if their boundaries inconvenience for me. At least I know I'm not like piling more on their plate, which I think that kind of typical doormat kind of person tends to do that. Yeah. I think you bring up a great point of and I think that's societally, it's Oh, like just set boundaries. And it's they're super inconvenient. Yeah. And I think once you can accept that people will not like your boundaries. I think it's once you can come to this place of nobody's gonna like your boundaries, but it's not about people liking boundaries. It's about you respecting yourself enough to hold your boundary, regardless of someone else's behavior. Totally. We had another, listed for talking points, so we're gonna switch gears, but imposter syndrome. I want to know from your take what it even is, because I know I sure as hell have experienced it. If the psychological why the hell do we have to go through that turmoil, because it's so real. So what even is imposter syndrome to you, and what do you know about it that people are sometimes surprised by? and you can feel free to ask any questions because I definitely struggle with it. And I know a lot of people that I coach regularly struggle with it. and I think even with imposter syndrome, it's hard because it really is this umbrella. Like it's not like a one sided definition. I think everyone, like I have yet to meet somebody in all of my counseling or just in life who hasn't struggled. With some totally, they'd probably be almost be psychotic if they didn't feel with that. Yeah. Fair. And I think there is this kind of idea of fake it till you make it right. And and I think that's great and all, but I think it's like being able to get to the root cause of what are the emotions and feelings that are coming up for you? That are actually manifesting like in another area of your life. So it's even, and I think too, Not, I think there's even part, maybe a little bit of the ego, a little bit that's I don't want to say the wrong thing. And especially as hairstylists, as like professionals, right? Nobody wants to feel deaf. Totally. Who wants to feel dumb? No. And so we overcompensate. But what happens is what happened? The, what if game starts going in our head? What if they ask me a question? I don't know. What if they want this style that they, and I think even with our kids, right? Like they start pushing these things. It's I don't know what to do. And so I'm panicked. And so when I'm panicked, I'm either going to freeze up. I'm going to fight back. Or I'm just going to say yes. And hope for the best. even for you, I'm wondering, do you physically show your imposter syndrome or do you feel like it's more of an internal battle? So I feel like my level of imposter syndrome has shifted, obviously as I grow as a human, from who I was. five, six years ago to who I am today. I do think I've grown a lot. I do think if five, six year ago, Lisa saw what Lisa today is doing, she'd be really proud, really surprised. So it has changed. But what I struggle with these days, now that I do large in person retreats, larger events, things like that, I really will get like Why the fuck am I doing this? Who let me do this? What am I doing? And physically, it will manifest within my body, like my stomach will get messed up days before big events, things like that. I will, my voice will go out. So probably nothing that other people can really notice, but definitely it's uncomfortable for me to deal with. And I wish I could figure out like a pill to take or a solution. To fix that, because it's really annoying. I know what my goals and my dreams are, and I know these actions are what I need to do to get there, but it's a frustrating, annoying feeling. Yeah. And I think the hard part with imposter syndrome, how you're saying, is we go in this space of it's this or that. As opposed to, I know I'm a badass that can do this, and I'm scared shitless at this. And just like you said, growth happens and discomfort, but it's so annoying. Gosh, it's so annoying. And I think I've always been someone, I like naturally think I just had competencies, even as a child. I don't know where that came from or how that got instilled in me. So it took a long time. It took me really making big moves before I started losing some of that confidence or like that started getting shaky because I had almost like An abnormal, not realistic amount of confidence for a long time, like I was very much like nothing could stop me until I like, built something and I'm like, Oh God, I could lose all of this or Oh God, nobody's gonna care anymore. It's just a trip. Yeah, and I think right and that's where okay. I would bring out inside out to really quickly talk about it and it's almost like the drying room gets activated. The drying room of all possible worst case scenarios start playing in our head. And that's where our negative core beliefs. So going back to like how, it was the core beliefs started changing. It went from joy to anxiety. And so it happens like that got activated. This is what research basically shows is like when we plan out worst case scenarios, our brain is trying to think of ways for us to avoid feeling discomfort. To protect us. Huh. To protect us. The downside is our brain can't tell the difference between I'm planning this out versus it's currently happening. Yep. So now my brain thinks all 87 of these drawings are currently happening. And that just feeds into the negative core belief, of I'm not good enough. I can't do this. I'm not worthy. As opposed to none of that's happened. Yeah. None of that's happened. Actually, when I work with parents, a lot of times that's the thing is they're like my nine year old is having these crazy anger outbursts. I'm like, but you're trying to parent your kid. You're thinking of your kid at 21. Surely they're going to be a horrible human and this is going to happen. People are going to judge me. All these more stories that we add to it. Yes. As opposed to, I need to deal with my nine year old, like a nine year old. So is that the key? Is there's no fix to get rid of the feeling? It's just the awareness of what you're feeling and then using your logical brain to understand that even though your body feels like the house is on fire, you just need to know that's not actually what's happening and keep pushing through. Because that's what I've been rolling with, but my gosh, it's uncomfortable. It's annoying. I want like hypnosis or something to get rid of it because it's annoying. I think that's the thing and this is like day one. every single client that's ever walked in this room has known that I say, Our goal is to not fix anything. Our goal is to learn how to make it more manageable. So I think you're nailing it of I can't get rid of this. How do I coexist with this? How do I hold a space for you to say, okay, like you're this really uncomfortable thing. But if I don't acknowledge you and I don't give you your time to shine, you're going to overpower everything else. But I can hold a space for these two very opposite things to be true at the same time. Our brain doesn't like that. Our brain likes one or the other. the happy medium is to say they can both Be true. It's just awareness. Yeah. All right. I was hoping that you'd have the magic wand, but I can keep going with it's worked thus far. And that's the thing. There is always like the thrill after, like I survived, I made it through that. But my goodness, I just keep hoping that, and I think it will, when I used to feel that way, the first time I cut somebody's hair and then after 10, 000 haircuts, I no longer feel that way, so I know I will, but I agree. I'm someone that's so growth oriented. I have such a desire to continue to expand and grow and do more and give back and make an impact that it's almost like I forced myself to just live in that really uncomfortable imposter zone because once I get past that now I'm like now I'm bored I need something new so that's my own. I think it's a great superpower to be able to say I can have this really uncomfortable pit in my stomach feeling and I'm going to show up on that stage and be like a fucking badass. I think it's very much once you can learn how to coexist, because the goal is to never make it go away. Cause it's not and I think that's an unrealistic expectation. And so it's once I can accept that reality, but now it's okay, I know this is just part of the deal. And also I think what you're doing is great of like reflecting back and saying okay, like my first haircut, right? Like it's so funny. Cause once again, like I, so I'm also part of a site that works with graduate students specifically. We're a lot into them and they're just, it's they're terrified. And it's I've been doing this Six, seven years. And so to me, I like clients walk in, I'm like, Hey, what's up? Like, how are you doing? And they're like, You say what? Yeah. I'm like, but my first client I threw up after, after I assault So, like just, and so I think while I selfishly took the light there for a little bit of what I'm going through, but I'm thinking of people in my community and the listeners. I think there's also a point. which we didn't touch on where a lot of people have ideas and have things that they want to do and the imposter syndrome says no, you're not someone to do that. And then they don't keep that awareness. They assume, oh, if it feels this uncomfortable, I'm not supposed to do it. And I think it's that reminder that it feels that way for everybody. It's sounding and still pushing through and that kind of feeling on the other side of it as well. Yes, this is something that, I really use a lot with clients, especially when I work with teenagers is feelings are real and your feelings are valid and your feelings are not facts. Really holding out. Your feelings are not facts. Yeah. Because that's what you're right. You're feeling I can't do this doesn't mean that's a fact. Yeah, sure. You can. What's stopping you? Another thing I want to touch on again, totally switching gears, but this is something that I find really cool. And I'm very curious to hear your take on it because I do feel like I've gotten a little woo when it comes to this. And so you being someone like fully trained, breaking generational cycles. Obviously, that's a big one. That's a heavy one. I guess you take over and then I'll interrupt and jump in. But what does that mean to you? So there's this really great, Instagram kind of thing going around. where it's like the murky water started with grandparents, the murky water started with parents, then it gets to you. And now you're And I love that they have to do it multiple times over and over again. And then now you're pouring the clear water into your kid. And so essentially generational cycles are trauma cycles. It's things where we didn't talk about feelings. We didn't do the things. We just kept repeating the trauma over and over again because nobody's willing to sit in the uncomfortable. Nobody is willing to say, hold on. There's got to be a better way. And I feel like this generation is really noticing wait a minute. I don't want to scream at my kids. I don't want to have the same relationship that I have with my parent, which is I feel like I'm walking on eggshells or I have no relationship, or I want to be able to create those healthy dynamics with my kids. And I don't want to have to, go to there. And that's what kind of breaking those cycles looks like. And I think Laurel's kind of talked about this multiple times on her page of breaking those cycles of giving fee discounts of working after hours like that's breaking generational cycles for hairstylists. Fair. Yeah. Yeah. Not family, but career wise. Yeah. And I do think, which I, it makes you wonder, does every person in time think that they're like the pivotal, it's a trip when you really think about it at a really large scope. I'm going to tell you, I saw that video. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And I saw the top comment, and when I saw the top comment, I really agreed with it, and I don't know if you saw this, but they were saying it's unfair to go murky, and now it's just all this clear water, and then your kid's going to be perfectly crystal clear, because I feel like that's unfair, as a mom, I know I am doing a ton of work, There's no way there's not gonna be a little bit of merc in my kids water I'm gonna try really hard to not make it that way But I also have to come to the realization that there might be a little bit hopefully not the layers that came before me But what is do you agree with that take because it was like there should be Clear water added to grandma, it's still murky. Clear water added at mom, it's still murky. Maybe a lot more clear water because you're doing more work. But yeah, I think sometimes even the pressure of that, of this generation is gonna do it so right, because I'm trying, but I still lose my shit sometimes. You're preaching to the choir here, sis. Because, and I tell people this, I'm like, I'm not saving up for my kid's college fund. I'm saving up for their future therapist because we're human. We're humans that have real life experiences. And it's as much as we can try, we're not perfect. And I think even just giving ourself that grace of there are a lot of things that we're doing differently now. And even backtracking a little bit, right? Like we went to a whole extreme of we don't discipline kids at all. And it's Whoa, bring it back. It doesn't work super duper well. So it's even undoing some of that, but I think just having, I tell parents like the biggest impact anybody could have on their kids and probably even clients when you mess up is just to take ownership, I'm sorry, I messed up. yeah, even as a therapist, I have lost it on my kids before, like my, people always joke my husband like, Oh, it must be so nice to be married to a therapist. He's not so much because she's a real person. absolutely. And if anything, it's probably even harder because you know what the right thing to do is, but you're also a human with natural impulses, that take over every so often, I would assume you maybe beat yourself up even a little bit more than the average person. I don't know. And that's even, it's why therapists normally have their own therapist, right? Yeah. That's good. It will like work through that kind of stuff. And I remember when I was postpartum, it was the hardest thing. Cause I'm like, I know all these tools, why is nothing working? And then I had to get, help from myself because I was like, this is, you have the knowledge. And I think that could, having the knowledge is great. It's living it out. And I think even just being able to recognize what's happening with you. And it's how do I want to pivot? And so I am with that of is it going to be perfect? No. However, like I think. I think we're a generation that's at least acknowledging. We're talking about things that have never been talked about before. And I think that's a huge difference. And even watching my husband like break generational cycles on his end and on my end. And it's okay, like we're not perfect parents. But we're doing, we're at least. We're certainly paying closer attention than those before us. Yeah. Yeah. People joke because my daughter, she'll. She'll be like, I'm feeling frustrated. And people look at me, I'm like, tell me your mom's a therapist. That's really sweet. I need my kids to get to that point of I'm feeling frustrated because they do just yell at me when they're feeling frustrated. So that tells you a little bit of something. But I will say I told you the generational cycle, my woo take on it, because I've been on my healing journey, since I've been a An adult, I would say, a big thing for me, what we talked about, not to say that there isn't. There's actually, I have like deep, mental health struggles in my family. My mom is diagnosed bipolar one. She's been hospitalized many times. There's like deep things. Her mother definitely dealt with, some mental illness. Her sister committed suicide. There's like really deep generational stuff. And so my kind of woo approach that I've taken with it though, it, cause I could. As a child, I was very angry. my main emotion was anger until I had my daughter, and I had, a spiritual awakening, I don't know how, but all the wires in my brain changed, and that's no longer my natural state of being. what really worked for me, and this kind of talks about, You know what I said about disagreeing with those cups of water is empathy, because what I lacked for a really long time from my mom, from her mom, from all the generations of whoever the hell did all of this leading up, I had no empathy, and I think, for me, it's been very healing having empathy to those all of those before, while also still trying to do better for those that come after me, that was a key piece for me, to find peace within myself and love for the people that I want to love that have really unhealthy behavior sometimes. Yeah. And I think there's also a huge difference right between sympathy and empathy, which is like sympathy, which I think a lot of, and that's part of not breaking a cycle. It's I'm going to look down on you versus getting the whole with you. Yes. Three year old is. Screaming about a blue cup instead of the red cup in my mind, or little world. This is just, I know what it feels like to feel devastated that there was something I wanted. I'm not getting it. And I empathize with that. And once I sit with you, that's where tantrums calm down a lot because tantrums are happening because we're getting trapped in these cycles with our kids. That's where breaking that is, how do I get out of this cycle? Yeah. And being able to sit with my own discomfort to sit in your discomfort. Yeah. I was just binging some of your Instagram content this morning, because I knew we were going to talk and I just want to say to everyone that there's really good stuff on there. Because even this morning, Bennett's backpack was right in front of him. The bus was about to come. Where's my backpack? It's right there on the table. And then he got sad and I'm like, I shouldn't have yelled at you. That was me. I promise. Give me a kiss. That was not you. That was me. And I sent him on his way. So I'm still trying. But yeah, my goodness, it's hard, but I think everyone is. Especially those of you that are moms that are listening to this should definitely give Chelsea a follow on Instagram because I was just binging today and it helped So I will continue to follow along. If anybody wants to get in touch with you, Chelsea, I know you have a couple like downloadable PDFs. Are you taking clients from anywhere Yeah. So I am taking clients. if you live in California, I am actually able to see you as a therapist, if you don't live in California, I have mental health coaching. So the difference between like therapy and coaching, I would say like therapy is definitely more like. I'm asking you the questions to get you to come to your own conclusions where coaching is more like I'm going to be a little bit more direct and tell you the path that we're going to sound better than therapy. I think it also just depends like where you're at. I think coaching is great. If you're like, I have this awareness that like, I really struggle with anxiety. So what do I do with it versus therapy is I just feel like my body's going haywire and I have no idea what's going on. And so I am accepting new clients that way. I do have a PDF specifically for, boundaries. And once again, it can be applied to anything, but I use it for kids because kid language is just a little bit different, but it talks about you identifying what's happening to you when pushback happens, which I think for hairstylists is really important to know, like when your client pushes back, you've got to know what's happening with you first. And then be able to go in and hold that line. And you can validate someone. I understand that's really hard that I don't have this opening available and you're looking forward to it and this is my next available time that's going to work for you. And that, and then, you can follow me on Instagram, mindandhearttherapist. I'm trying to be a little bit more frequent on that. I really try hard to give appliable things that you could do right then and there. Thank you, yeah, I, cause I, And you're like a working parent, and you're, it's I just need like the thing right now. Yeah, just that little tiny seed to plant in the back of my head, so that later when something comes up, I can remember what, I just learned that morning. So no, I think that's fantastic. So I will have everything linked down in the show notes or the description if you're watching on YouTube or listening to, the podcast. So anything else that you feel like we missed? Anything else you want to talk about? Or does that feel good for you? I think it feels great. And I think once again, like by the big takeaway, I would say is your life doesn't have to be like work versus home. It's once you can like really get, even if you're like, let me focus on boundaries at work. Once you hone those in, they'll naturally start to bleed in or vice versa. You start honing in. I agree with that. They're going to start doing that. And that's the beauty of boundaries is boundaries are flexible. Pick one thing, pick, even at work, pick one, if you're I can't set boundaries for every aspect, pick one hill you want to die on. It's I want to leave by five. What's your bedtime? Yes. Love it. That's your owner bedtime. Yes. I love it. I love it. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you, Laurel, if you're listening to this for, the connection. And I hope you guys all enjoyed. So like I said, everything will be listed down in the show notes and I will talk to you all next week.