048 - Balancing Motherhood, Business, and Self: Kimber Chapman’s Journey from People Pleaser to Empowered Leader

In this episode of Stylist Soul Tribe Conversations, host Lisa Huff sits down with Kimber Chapman, a mother of three and the founder of Tone Salon, to discuss her inspiring journey from teen mom to empowered salon leader. Kimber shares her story of resilience, from balancing motherhood and business to overcoming the pressures of people-pleasing.

Listen in as Kimber opens up about the lessons she's learned along the way, including time management strategies that help her juggle multiple roles. Discover how she’s embraced boundaries, learned to delegate, and found a path from overthinking to taking action. Whether you’re a stylist, salon owner, or mom trying to balance it all, Kimber’s insights on leadership, personal growth, and self-empowerment will leave you feeling inspired and ready to take charge of your own journey.

Key Takeaways:

• How Kimber transitioned from teen mom to successful salon owner
• The importance of time management in balancing motherhood, business, and personal life
• Strategies for overcoming people-pleasing and setting boundaries
• The value of accountability and daily action in creating the life you want
• How to delegate and manage both personal and professional growth

Connect with Kimber:

• Instagram: @kimberchapman_
• Website: Tone Salon

Stay Connected with Stylist Soul Tribe:

• Follow us on Instagram: @stylistsoultribe
• Join our community: Stylist Soul Tribe Membership
• Subscribe to the podcast for more inspiring conversations!

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Connect with Lisa Huff

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Stylist Soul Tribe Conversations. I'm your host, Lisa Huff. Over the last five years, I've coached hundreds of hairstylists and beauty industry professionals, helping them work their dream schedules exclusively with their dream clientele and earn their dream income. income, all while fostering genuine connections and lifelong friendships inside the beauty industry. And this podcast, we dive deep into abundance, manifestation, business building strategies, and creating a life that you are truly proud of both behind the chair and at home. Are you ready to embark on a journey of personal growth, success, and sisterhood, then hit that subscribe button now and get ready to experience the pure magic of Silas Old Tribe Conversations.

lisa: 0:46

Hi, friends. Welcome back to Stylist Soul Tribe Conversations. I am joined today by Kimber Chapman. Kimber is a mom of three, and founder and director of a team at Tone Salon, where she leads and guides eight other women, as well as taking care of her own clients behind the chair. Hello, friend. I was thinking as I was, you know, sitting down prepping to record with you, I'm like, I'm actually surprised we haven't done a podcast episode yet.

1:09

I feel like the past couple of years have just been like, I'm not so crazy busy and I feel like things are starting to level out. I already have a kid saying hey mom outside of the door. Do you need to send him? Go ahead. Hey, Vincent, Yes, at 1 30 you can have electronics. Oh my gosh.

lisa: 1:23

Well, that's a perfect segue into a few weeks back. I know. A few weeks back, I posted on my Instagram story and I was like, you know, I'm recording podcast episodes, whatever. Who would you love to see me have on, have a conversation with, or what topics would you like to see me go over? And Madeline Barnes, hello, shout out Madeline, she's also a member of Soul Tribe, so is Kimber. said, Kimber, how does she juggle it all? How, her time management, yada yada. So I asked Kimber if she wanted to come on, and she said yeah. So here we are. Of

1:53

course. Again, I'm surprised that it took this long, but like, time flies, and I'm sure we'll get into all the past couple years, but time flies, you know?

lisa: 1:59

Yeah, yeah. So when I have people fill out my like, calendly to book a, a call with me, there's brief, like, give me your bio, give me some talking points, some ideas you have, and typically I just use Use those as talking points, but Kimbrah's away with words, so I'm actually gonna read to you guys what she wrote, because I think it's just perfect, and then we're just gonna totally bullshit from there and have a conversation and see where this leads us. So she said, When people say, how does she do it all? I love telling my story of becoming a mom on my 17th birthday, and therefore I developed my brain in survival mode. In my late 20s slash early 30s, that has developed into an actual strategy and always leading with professionalism, because even the business of Crayola didn't get to where it is by being creative, although that's a huge piece in our industry. It takes sometimes removing feelings, looking at facts, and lots and lots of accountability. As a teen mom, a mom of a son who has autism, and my youngest is just as driven as me, which is exhausting. So why don't we just like take it all the way back, tell your story, because Madeline asked for it, and I'm going to be a curious human. Obviously I know some bits of your story, but let's just talk. I'll interrupt you a thousand times and we'll go from there.

3:06

So I would say let's take it back to like 2008 for just a second. we're talking like January, February, March of 2008. I was a sophomore in high school. I literally had started like this career. We had like a, I went to a college prep high school, so there was like a career pathway thing there, but not like a career center. So like a career center is where trades people went, but people who are going to college took these like prep courses, right?

lisa: 3:29

Fancier. Yeah. Yes.

3:31

So I was on track to be in pre law like in college.

lisa: 3:36

Yeah,

3:36

well, I was a wild teenager and in May I found out that I was pregnant with my oldest and it was just like a random kind of hookup scenario to be honest. And so I was kind of alone in the beginning. I ended up developing like a relationship with her biological father, but Fast forward a few more months. She was born in December of 2008 on my 17th birthday. So again, I was the like straight A student. I didn't even drink for the first time till after she was born. Like I had not consumed alcohol after I was a mom. Like I was a pretty straight laced kid. And all of a sudden I was until I wasn't. I was this like very good kid and I still was a good kid, but, I started having this like stereotype kind of like surrounding my situation. And, you know, a little bit more of that background is like, I went to that school because I was on a grant. I grew up in Section 8 housing. Like I already had this, like, all the odds were against me. I was the first in my family to graduate from high school. I, especially once becoming a mom, wasn't going to be doing a whole lot with my life. And at that point it was be a mom, make enough to get by But to be honest, that has like never been me. Like before I, again, I was really obsessed with coming with like a hot shot lawyer. And, that just, just was never going to be me. Honestly, wanting to break that mold of, like, what people assume, teen mom's life looks like, was kind of the driving factor for everything else. So I did start college. I went to college with a toddler, which was pretty cool. And people who can get through that, like, oh my gosh, because I could not like as driven as I am. That was just not something that I could handle with everything else that was going on in my life to support, a daughter on my own. And so, I dropped out of college my junior year of college, which that's another thing is like, why didn't I just finish? But it's okay. and then I, I decided to get into cosmetology school because I had gone to the cosmetology school to get my hair done. And I was like, this sounds so fun. And like, this is like, this is so much cooler than it's so glam and fancy. Yeah. Which I didn't even go to school for law. I ended up going for marketing, public relations. all that, which is kind of what I do now. Anyway, so I started hair school literally because I was just tired of waiting tables and didn't really have a direction for myself And I was like worst case scenario I get the license and then I just do my friend's hair for the rest of my life Like that's the worst case scenario what I ended up being obsessed with was, when we would meet down as a class, once a week, the whole school would sit down for this, weekly celebration to talk about numbers, projections, how many new guests were being seen, all this other stuff, and, that was honestly what lit me up. I love doing hair, I love the conversations when I was behind the chair, but, That's, I think, the spark that I didn't know. The business

lisa: 6:15

side was attractive.

6:16

Yes, exactly. So, I graduated, started a salon, did an assistant program, worked at a commission salon for a long time, and what I found in that environment was that my leader there cared about her numbers, but never cared about mine, and, I really wanted to know, like, what individual path I was on. And so I just, again, always had this like consistent drive to do better. I got married. I had my first or my middle son. So my first son, but my middle child and, spent another year there before realizing that no matter what I was kind of on the same slow Upward tick. I was getting super busy. I had asked to take on assistance. I did have like a salon assistant, but I wanted like mentorship. Like I was like, I think that I could share this with somebody else. And that was never fully respected. And now that I'm a salon owner, I honestly get it. She had so much on her plate, but, there just wasn't a next step for me. So I decided to leave that job and start a suite in 2018. And then three weeks after I started my suite in March of 2018, in April 2018, I found out I was pregnant with my youngest. So I was already pregnant when I quit my job. And I just did it on a whim because that's kind of just, I'm really impulsive. So that's kind of how I do everything. Um, and so I got pregnant with my youngest. I'm like, Oh shit, now this has to work. Like this, there's no like going, I get this, there's always going back to a job,

lisa: 7:35

but the pressure was on.

7:37

Yeah. I needed to have even more, Responsibility and I needed to have even more flexibility with my schedule. So it was just It's like, okay, now I'm going to be three kids and then growing this like fourth child, which is the business. Yeah. And I didn't really expect to ever open up a salon, but the more that I spent time with independent stylists, I was like, okay, so that thing that used to spark me in cosmetology school, other people are also excited by, I'm not a weird one, like other people like this stuff, but in the employee environment that I worked in, I never felt that. So like other people just weren't as excited. So I thought I was weird. I was always too fancy, too extra, like why would you care about that, who's doing social media? and then I found other independent stylists that cared about that. So I decided to open Tone Salon in November of 2020 after like a really long stretch of just bad for all of us in this industry. And I did open it as a home for independent stylists to, that were aligned with kind of how I looked at the industry and the things that I was excited about. And, Go from there. And then, a couple years later, there's the clubhouse era where like, honestly, clubhouse was just like such a good place for people who hadn't had a voice in such a long time to go. And that's why I really liked it. I think it kind of like steered me away from, The things that I did like about this industry, but, it was a fun time and I'm glad that we all got to be part of it. And then, in 2022, our space just happened. Like we shared a wall with a neighboring business and they moved out. So at the end of 2022, we expanded the salon. And I decided at that point, like I wanted to have some sort of blanket of control over how people were growing because of what I found working with independent stylists was like, once people are bouncing on their own, like ideals.

lisa: 9:21

Yeah.

9:22

That's great. I love that for them. But I wanted to share the things that have worked for me. And you really can only do that in like an employee based space, thoroughly. For sure. How I found it was the best way. And you're giving the

lisa: 9:32

people you're giving to show you the lessons you're shown to grow into what

9:36

it's meant to be. Yeah. So we expanded into, a commission and rental space at the end of 2022. And since then, we're almost at the end of 2024. And I'm like, Wild.

lisa: 9:45

Oh, man, you really were able to, I didn't know when you started if that was going to go all the way through to today, but that was, a really good representation from what I can, remember as well. And we got, I think, connected around 2020. I do vividly remember, obviously, you expanding this on. You've been in Soul Tribe for years now, so I've been, obviously, part of that journey and seen, you know, the, Trials and tribulations that have come with that. I want to go back, now that you've said all that, I really, really, really resonated with you talking about wanting to not fit that stereotype, that's like something I've always had inside of me as well, I was Just missed the mark of being a teen mom. I had Skylar a month after I turned 20, so I was pregnant when I was 19. My husband, when him and I first got together, he was, addicted to drugs and really had a rough patch for a while. Ended up getting sober. He was like, three months clean, found out I was pregnant with Skylar, and it was like, okay, what are we going to do here? Like, that was very much a fork in the road, this could have gone very different directions, but I've always had this little, like, voice in my head, or this little, like, quote of, like, we're not going to be another statistic, or we're not going to fit that stereotype, and so, It just, you know one when you see one, and I've always felt that from you. And so I love hearing you share. So if you were to like zoom in on that a little bit more, I guess, tell me a little bit more, whatever you feel comfortable and open to sharing.

11:12

Yeah. I was. Not just the teen mom, but I was a single mom too. Like, similarly in a way, I get, we did develop a relationship, but it was never close. Yeah. my daughter's biological dad, was also just not doing well with his life. So that's what my parents were like, What happened? Like, I don't understand how these two people, but I think it was just, we were part of the emo days, and he was in a band, and I was just Swooned. Taken aback. And so, Emerson is actually named after the place we had our first date, which was the Emerson Theater, and, That's precious. It is a really sweet story, but, you know, I just, I sat even in my principal's office and I was like, this is what is going on. And he was like, this is not good. Like basically everybody came down with this umbrella other than my parents, my parents were super supportive. And I honestly am lucky because not everybody even gets that. But, You know, I sat down talking to all these different people and they were like, this is it, like, you just ruined your entire life, like, I hope that, yeah, so it's just a, it was a really, not, when you are such a driven person who's, like, constantly wanting the up and up and the next thing, for someone to tell you, like, this is the end, essentially,

lisa: 12:23

at 16 years old. Yes. No, that's can't be. Yeah.

12:27

So it was like, nah, I just, I'm not, I'm not subscribing to that. And again, my mom was really wonderful. And she did spend a lot of time at home. So she was a huge part of my daughter's early years. If I didn't have that support, I would not be where I am now, but I did just kind of not subscribe to that mentality, and it's not easy for everybody, but what is possible is like, okay, I'm going to shut all of that noise out and then focus on my next step. So what can I do today to make tomorrow better? And then tomorrow, what can I do to make today better? And when you do that over a 10 year period, it's crazy what can happen. Yes. So then your brain just becomes wired to think like, no is not an option. Like the end is not an option. There is always something else. And I think that what I did not realize that not everybody possesses is the mindset of like, You create the life that you have, like, you are responsible for creating it every day. Sure, there's outside circumstances, obviously. Again, I've come from a very wild background of, like, not having any money, but somehow ending up at a private school and with all, surrounded by kids who did have plenty of money. And, you know, they'd be like, let's go to the movies. I'm like, I literally cannot go to the movies. I don't have any money. And they're like, that doesn't make sense. I'm like, so what can I do to make 10 to go to the movies? I'm going to sell three of my shirts. Like, I'm going to bring them to school tomorrow and I'm going to sell them. So when people talk about like, well, there's, there's obviously systemic stuff. I don't want to like desensitize anybody. Totally, totally get what

lisa: 13:56

you're saying.

13:56

There, although there are outside circumstances, there is always a next step, whether it be. Yeah. It's either a big thing or a little thing, but there is always a next step. And so your brain becomes wired to adjust to that. when something happens, you can either freeze or you can fight, or fly, I guess, but I don't know. That's never been an option either.

lisa: 14:14

Yeah. No, and I think what you said in that little blurb too, where you said, my brain was literally developing, and you don't realize this until after it happens. I love the TikToks when it's, like, that moment when you just all of a sudden gain full consciousness or, recognize that your frontal lobe is all of a sudden fully developed and it clearly was not long ago. Saying that you developed that in survival mode, I think I really relate to that too. I mean, because once you're a parent, there's just never going to be a moment, literally. Ever again, until the day you die, that, like, you're not forever changed even if your kids are grown and gone, like, there will never be a day of my life that I'm not, like, Skylar's mom, and that's not my main thing, you know, and so that's so fascinating, obviously, the statistics are real, so it's not like I would go recommending it to people to do it that way, But there is something really powerful in a strange level, different level of tenacity that I think that that gives you, and I'm grateful for it.

15:12

Yeah, so I would not, I, not that I was on a bad path, but I was always reliant, I think the reason that I got pregnant is because I was always reliant on other people to, like, I was always looking to make someone else happy, right? So, I'm not that person anymore. And I, I can't say for sure, but I probably still would be had I not become a mom so young. And again, I probably would have fell victim to the whole like, well, this is just it, you know, like I could have listened and I could have been like, I'll just work an hourly wage job for the next however many years, maybe put myself through school, maybe do like a CNA thing, which was what was brought up to me. Why not just be a CNA? And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm doing all that all day. So, Yeah, I just was like, no, I need to get here. How do I get here? And it's little steps in between.

lisa: 15:59

Mm hmm. And it's funny to hear people say, because I get comments like this too, I definitely would say maybe you get a little bit more than me because you are doing quite a bit, but hearing people say, like, how do you do it all? Like, it's there, it's like everyone's always looking for this, like, Packaged up quick trick like here's how one does it and you're like literally the train is just moving and I just have to keep like there's no other option right so like what does that look like on the day to day do you have tips and tricks or like how would you even just vocalize what that means to you like getting Things done and being responsible for this many things. And still seeing forward growth and knowing like, I'm gonna bring that to fruition.

16:38

Yeah. Now that the frontal lobe is developed. I just, I have never, like most people are always like hairstylists or visual people. I'm like, I'm not a visual person. I'm a mechanical person. It started with a paper planner, like I was one of the people that had the planner with all the stickers and all the markers and like all the stuff and I would just write down everything super organized all the time. Was it like Erin

lisa: 16:59

Condren, Happy Planner? Yeah, oh yeah,

17:02

definitely. All of the above? I was heavily, like I could have sponsored them for sure when that was a thing. But I had more kids, more responsibilities, all that. And it just became impossible to do that. And I think that's honestly part of the system. So let me describe the system. So I think this is good for planners. This is good for your phone calendar. This is good for like the AI software that you and I both know I use now, it works for any type of planning, even if it's just your notes section, if it's a dry erase. Yes, yeah, it works for anything. you have to, write your tasks down in the size of importance that they are. if it takes up a huge block on your calendar, then you say, salon inventory. This is a huge thing that needs to get done. And physically writing it, or typing it in a font, or putting it in a huge block on your calendar, that is a huge block. And then whatever comes under that is a smaller block, and whatever comes under that is a smaller block. And then eventually Those smaller blocks can go in between spaces where things maybe didn't take as long What do you think about a jar? There's that analogy, and I can never remember exactly how it is, but you have your big rocks, your medium rocks, your little rocks. Yeah, and then the same falls in between. Yeah, exactly. It's going to be in a certain order. And I think that that is true. And that's, if I had to sum it up, Obviously, not every day is perfect, but that's the system. It's like, these are the things that have to get done. These are the things that do not have to get done, but are important. And these are the things that would be nice to get done, but don't really make or break the difference between today and tomorrow. I'm an impulsive person. So that also helps. I don't overthink a lot. mentally practicing that for people who struggle with that would be another tip of mine, is like, don't keep thinking, just start doing it. So many

lisa: 18:31

people overthink, I know, and I, if we're gonna go enneagram, which I know you're into too, I'm 7 wing 8, you're 8 wing 9, yes. So like, I think it's maybe the 8 in us, or whatever it is, but I'm the same way, like, when I will, and it's hard for me to coach sometimes, because I try to empathize with people who overthink, and I'm just like, it could have been done three times already by the amount of time that you've spent thinking about it. So you would say your biggest like trick, what you have found the system is like the big important tasks. And is that like a daily basis, a weekly basis, a monthly basis? Like if someone's like, all right, I'm channeling my inner Kimber, I'm doing this today. Like, what does that process even look like?

19:08

Yeah, so I use a digital calendar. I use Motion AI. I'm not sponsoring them or anything like that. I mean, but you love it.

lisa: 19:15

She has a master class inside of Soul Tribe about it, so we'll use Motion AI is what you look up. You pay, it's a paid software. It's cheap. It's like 7 a month, right? I feel

19:24

like it's super affordable for what you get out of it. And then in Motion, you list all of your tasks. So it kind of is like a lot of other task management softwares in that way that you can like list the tasks and then like the subtasks within that task. And then it literally organizes it for you. So all that brain work that I used to do of like, Well, this is salon inventory needs to happen today. The product order needs to happen today. I have to pick up my kid from band practice today. Like if I don't, she will not get picked up from band practice. CPS will get called. But the grocery order also needs done today. I can either spend this hour going to the grocery store, getting everything, or I can place a delivery order, which will take half the time. so the delivery order has to get placed today. It has to fit into this box, like trying to figure out how you can condense things, the amount of tasks. There's obviously, I'm thinking of like just a regular hairstylist in my situation. especially independent hairstylists have to do inventory. They have to do ordering. but on the other side, payroll has to get done or people will not get paid on time. one on ones have to happen or your team doesn't grow, but like when those things happen can shift and move. And I think that's another thing is people don't realize like you can flex it out and you can delegate and I'm a very independent person, but if I didn't lean on the support systems I had to, then I wouldn't be in the same place.

lisa: 20:38

Yeah, so when you set that up, is that happening, like, how often are you putting into

20:44

motion? Weekly, I sit down and check in on it, but I would say monthly, monthly is a big time, quarterly is a huge time, and then, weekly is like, takes me 15 minutes, maybe. So, at the beginning of the quarter, I'm like, okay, we have the team retreat at the end of October, we have a, Halloween event for the town at the end of October, too. It seems like everything that I'm gonna say is at the end of October, but Dude, my October is crazy, so I seal you. Fall break is in October, like, there's a lot of stuff. When I sat down at the beginning of July for the next quarter, technically it's the beginning, like, October's crazy, but I'm like, I have to prep for these things now. so it's like retreat planning. Okay, for the retreat I need to Make sure the venue is booked and that they're not going to cancel it on me. I need to have a grocery list. I need to, figure out what we're going to be doing as far as education goes. I need to, try to think of all the things that are in that board. Yeah. You know, the 10 things that are in that board that probably each take like an hour. So you have 10 hours of work. You set motion to divide those tasks up. And then the end date is the end of, I wanted to have it done by the end of August. Then at the beginning of the month, I'm like, okay, which of these things definitely got done and which got kind of shifted around? And then at the beginning of the week, it's like, okay, band practice, grocery orders, like more of that like personal stuff that needs to fit in with all the other tasks. Does everything get done on time? No. No, but it all gets done. Eventually,

lisa: 22:02

when it needs to. I also love the, phrase, procrastinate on purpose, because, that is me. I can have, and I will have something on my to do list with the thought of, oh, I can be really prepared, really prepared, but I'm telling you the best content comes out of me like the moment that I need it, and that's just the way it is. So instead of fighting against that, I've just flown with it. And when it's

22:21

on your list, then you're like, okay, that is on the list. So it needs to be in my brain, but it might not necessarily have to happen today. Give yourself a month. If you want to like redo a wall in the suite, give yourself a month and then kind of figure it out. And yes, that I do feel like procrastination is like,

lisa: 22:37

I mean, it's just better content comes out of me personally. I have a retreat in October as well, the Soul Tribe retreat. I could try to write, the initial, welcome, you know, blurb for that. Whatever I write now is trash. Rip it up and throw it away, because I need to see how I'm feeling the moment before. Like, that's the only way it's real. And I even feel that way about podcast episodes. You always want to be 25 steps ahead, but I feel that way about batching social media content sometimes. Obviously I love to be on top of it, but there's some things that are just more in real time. So, are you checking Motion every morning? Do you have notifications? Like, what does that relationship with Motion look like on a regular basis? Yeah,

23:12

I would check it. I check it multiple times throughout the day. Because, again, if I don't check something off, then it's going to move it somewhere else. And I don't have to remember that I have to do it. I just open it up. I'm like, okay, what's next? So I would say probably after every task I do, I'm like, Okay, just checking in on, like, what is the next thing, you know, but I can at least see, like, this is the stuff that still needs to get done. Definitely every day, but I would say multiple times a day.

lisa: 23:34

Okay. Okay, so that's just, like, the go to to do list. Yes, and that integrates with your, like, clientele behind the chair, things like that. Yes. Interesting. I think I have tried enough that my end consensus was, like I said before, I could have gotten four or five of these tasks done in the amount of time that I took to set it up. So I am just kind of like a paper list, and I will write the same list a million times, but like, if I have a moment of free time, it's like, okay, boom, boom, boom. These are the things I can do. I'm pretty intuitive to, what feels right, like, I almost do all of this on paper, personally. I really could maybe fall madly in love with Motion, and everybody in Soul Tribe that has started it and fully, implemented it, loves it. So how much would you say, like you said, it's the system, it's the big chunks, and then working around it. Do you want to convince me to get, actually, Motion, or not necessarily?

24:25

I feel like you're a universal person. Like, it comes to you when it comes to you.

lisa: 24:28

I'm weirdly woo about even the tiniest things. It's bizarre. See, mine is like,

24:33

I have to sit down and it does come to me, but I have to make time for it to come to me, because otherwise I'm blocking it out. So, I probably spend, I would say the quarter ones are the big ones because that's like I'm meeting with my other leadership, Kylie, and like kind of planning things out. So those are a half day. weekly, like I said, 15 minutes. And then the monthly, I would say maybe an hour. Like it's not a ton of time, but it's like I'm a mechanical person, so I have to type it out. Like I have to type out like these are the things that need done. Kind of like you, you like make the list the same. If you make the list 10 times, you eventually remember what's on that list. Mine is like, I have to write it out, and then luckily I don't have to remember anymore because it does it all for me, but That's like my outline for everything too, like we made our entire retreat outline In motion and like it was divided between me and Kylie and I still don't have content if I mean this is going to air way closer or after that date, but, we are sitting in the end of August for our three day retreat at the end of October.

lisa: 25:30

Yeah,

25:31

I know what's going to happen. What is going to be said has not happened yet. They

lisa: 25:36

just

25:36

can't months away. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, that's still in motion and that task is. Moving around, but it'll eventually get done, but the outline is there, and the outline wouldn't be there if we didn't, like, sit down and actually spend the half day planning for it, you know?

lisa: 25:49

Well, I think that's what's cool about it is the boards and the projects, and I also think it's just kind of fascinating to hear how much you work in quarters, because I actually work in quarters a lot, too, and I remember a long time ago, I think it was you that recommended the 12 week year to me, right? Yeah, I think you're back on that like on Clubhouse and I don't follow that to a tee, but I definitely do work in quarters. And like Leisha and I, my assistant and I's, like weekly meetings, we have our like scorecard that we go through just all of our KPIs, things like that. And then we have 90 day priority view and I'm the same. It's just what's in the next three months. And we're checking those things off the list. So again, Big chunks and then smaller things into it. Okay, so if just like a regular degular standard hairstylist, but also a mom, but also is juggling all the books, juggling all the things, is listening to this, like, what would you say that, like, sit down, make it happen, actually looks like, given not planning retreats like you and I are, Tasks because you're leading your team. So like what is their time management look like?

26:47

Yeah, theirs looks a lot like and this should be for anybody like any hairstylist whether you're an employee rental Whatever like theirs looks like looking at their month numbers, trying to figure out like, okay, my sales goal was 5, 000 for the month. I hit 4, 500. I can make up 500 by doing what? Like if your goal is to make 500 for the next 60, 90, I don't care, it could be 180 days. My ultimate goal is to make 500. List all the ways that I can make 500. I can make 500, whether it be in the salon or out, but I can make 500 by selling more retail. I can make 500 by, Marketing myself on Google. I can make 500 this amount of ways. Then, take the, it, like, honestly, like, the way my brain works is like a big Venn diagram. So the middle of the diagram, I'm glad that we have the video here because, huh. You can say. The hands do a lot. I talk with my hands quite a bit. so we've got five hundred, make five hundred dollars in the middle, then all the things that you need to do to make or can do to make five hundred dollars and then off of that, the steps to make those things happen and then. Those are projects now. Yes, exactly. So now we number, we go around that diagram and we number each thing like this would be the easiest thing, hardest thing, one to five or whatever. So like do I want to do the hardest thing first or do I want to do the hardest thing last? I'm a hardest thing first person. And then, that's your goal for the next, I would say that's a good like 60 day goal. Like my 60 day goal is to get that started. You may not make 500 or more dollars by the end of the month, but you've now created like your system. If your goal is to gain 90 minutes back before bedtime to like get your life together. Mm. What are the things that we can do? We can start, again, doing grocery. I haven't stepped foot in a grocery store in four years. Like, I don't go into grocery stores because I can't. Like, people are like, how do you do it all? I'm like, I don't do half the stuff. Yeah, exactly. I don't do half the stuff that everybody else does. so, like, I know I need to gain 90 minutes back I can start ordering groceries instead of going to the store. Yes, I'll spend ten extra dollars or whatever. I don't, because I'm part of all the memberships, but I'll spend the ten extra dollars. I run the risk of my produce maybe not being my ideal produce,

lisa: 28:48

but at

28:48

least I have my 90 minutes. And is that worth the other stuff? If you compare and

lisa: 28:51

contrast, it is. The butter.

28:53

Yeah. Yeah. I'm lucky that now my teenager who is almost the age that I was when I got pregnant with her but she'll be driving soon so I'm like okay now the teenager can take herself to and from practice you know so it's like that's just learning like these are the things I can do and these are the things I definitely can't do and you actually can do more than you think that you can. I just gave up going to the grocery store so that I could Make sure payroll is done every Monday, you know, like that's just you have to decide what's more important on any given day. I hope that makes sense. It

lisa: 29:21

does make sense. and I think that just being a person that just like you said, you can do more and just deciding that you're going to do more and let like the balls fall every here and there where they need to rather than spending so much time like analyzing it where like you didn't even start juggling in the first place. Like, I think that's where you're just. Full speed ahead constantly. There's so many moving pieces you have to stay that way that I think a lot of people just get so stuck in, the initial prep of, where do I even begin? And it's, just something. Start something.

29:51

I know. And now I am leading eight people, so leading that many people has given me a bit of more empathy for, Not everybody's brain works the same way that mine does. but I feel for overthinkers. I feel for them so hard because it has to be such a huge mountain. Yeah, you don't want to be like

lisa: 30:08

that. You can't help it. And

30:09

so it's easy for me to say, well, just do. But I think that, like, for somebody who's an overthinker, which is honestly the number one thing when people are like, how do you do it all? I'm I don't think, I just do. so I'm like, the first step to not overthinking is like, trying to release control. Like, that's, I think, honestly, like, and I, this is, I'm a mom too, so I get it, but like, Moms want to like, be there for every single aspect of their kids lives, and like, can't trust, Uncle Bob Joe to pick up kid from practice because that's always been my thing, right? Or like I've always picked him up from practice. So I can't just like let that on somebody else, but like you absolutely can. and now I'm divorced. We didn't even get into that because I kind of forgot, but, it's like, so now it's like that whole dynamic is different. And so I hate to say, like, yes, you can, but, like, you totally can. You just have to, like, stop telling yourself you can't. And then you'll find the things that you actually cannot do. Like, I know that I cannot go to the grocery store. Like, I just can't. I mean, you could if it was important

lisa: 31:06

to you. It's clearly not important to you. Yeah. There you go.

31:08

That's a good way to put

lisa: 31:09

it. Yes. And everybody's different in that way. I love the way you, like, Categorize people, and I know this is because you're so into Enneagram, and you've said this on Polo before, that your therapist has like made a joke about how much you talk in analogies, and like you say, I empathize with overthinker. I, I, the way your brain works is just really fascinating, the way, the way you like label, the way you speak. I've heard you say many, many, many times that you're a recovering people pleaser, and I've never heard you like fully go into that story, so will you pop off on that?

31:37

Ah, I'm so glad that you asked because honestly, I've not like dived enough into it other than therapy because it's still something that I'm like, wait, I was the public version. Yeah, I know. I was like, I was like, I didn't even realize how bad it was, but without going too much into detail in my childhood that my therapist helped me discover that my childhood, my, I think I still think my parents are great, but they did the best that they could with what they had, you know? Ultimately, the big word that you would use for that is like, I was neglected sometimes. My parents were doing their best. They had to work all the time. my dad, now that I have a son that's on the spectrum, I'm like, my dad absolutely has autism. And if he hears this, I'm gonna be like, I hope you know that you definitely have autism.

lisa: 32:19

I think it's wild how much TikTok has shown us that we all have quite exactly. But yeah, I see what you're saying.

32:25

Yes. So my dad For sure, 100 percent on the spectrum. So I would say that like my relationship with my dad is like he was so hard to get an emotion out of as a child that like I was just constantly like, a lot of people will say, I think I'm funny sometimes, but a lot of people will be like, Oh my God, yeah, she's so funny. I'm like, I think it's because I tried so hard to like make my dad laugh as a kid that like, That was like the only way you

lisa: 32:44

could connect with him.

32:45

Exactly. Yeah. So their emotions, I was constantly trying to make them happier. They were stressed. Again, they were doing the best that they could, but they ultimately then didn't like each other that much because they were trying so hard for everything else. And then the quality that I share with my mom is that like she would do things for other people, like do, do, do for other people, do, do, do, and then when they didn't give her that same thing back, she went into like immediate resentment mode. And, unfortunately, she did that with us, so her children, which is not good, that's, again, therapy with my mom is great. Where none of us are perfect, yeah. Yes, exactly. So, I turned into that person for a long time. As a leader, I turned into that person. As a mom, I accidentally turned into that person. We're like, I'm doing this for you, I'm doing this for you, I'm doing this for you. I asked you for one thing and you can't do it. Like, now I don't want to, have any relationship with you whatsoever. huh. so, what I was, Maybe three years ago that my therapist was like Kimber She's an Enneagram person. So she's like you're an Enneagram 8 your growth path is a 2 you are naturally like that is on your best You are for others like you love to serve others, but when you are not good you want other people to be happy and then not really consider yourself and You think that you can change the world because that's the type eight like you're a world changer But you're changing the world by trying to make everybody happy and that just is not possible at all and Yeah, it stems from like childhood, not purposeful, but neglect, abuse, and, then that bleeds into everything else. And then it became making the toddler happy. Like, when I was in high school, it's like, well, you're my only person. Like, I had friends, but like, they can't relate to you. They don't know what you're going through. Even at 20 years old, nobody really knows what you're going through. So like, I had friends. But it's just me and Emerson on Friday nights now while everybody else is at frat parties and stuff. And I'm like, what can I do to make you happy? And then it became my ex husband. And then what I found with him is he was also a people pleaser. So like he was quietly resenting me as I was quietly resenting him. And that's just not a good dynamic either. And so my therapist helped me understand that. You absolutely cannot make everybody happy. I was like, what do you mean? Like, yes I can, because I can do anything that I want. Like, I can do anything I set my mind to. And she's like, that's just one thing that's never gonna happen. especially the last two years of having like a bigger staff, I've learned that I just have to do what is best for me. And that will make 80 percent of people happy and it'll make 20 percent not happy at any given time, right? And that's, has to be okay. There has

lisa: 35:13

to be acceptance with that. Yes,

35:15

exactly. Or you're unhappy

lisa: 35:17

100 percent of the time.

35:18

Yes, yeah. And it's either be unhappy 100 percent of the time or make people mad 20 percent of the time. Yeah. And I, to this day, I would say that. If I had to put another task on my motion that's like a daily five minute thing, it's like looking in the mirror and like accepting, like, you will make someone upset today, whether it be with your attitude, with your words, with your actions, with your decisions, with, you accidentally cut them off on the road, like someone is going to be upset. Yeah, can I, just a quick little story.

lisa: 35:43

Tangent, let me hear.

35:44

Yeah, my kid threw up at school yesterday. Yeah, he was kind of off in the morning, but like, I don't know. I'm like, I already took Friday off. We're going to go to school today. So yeah. And so he threw up 30 minutes after getting to school And so his teacher sent me a text via the parent app that was just like the nurse is gonna call you Benton threw up in class period end and I I'm still thinking about it. I think but I think I finally had some resolve last night because she's always like exclamation points I'm like, you're like she's mad at me So yeah I'm like she hates me because I sent my kid to school and he threw up there like she hates me like she hates me She hates me and I This is sad. Again, we should not put this on our children. I'm not perfect, but my teenager is a much more patient person than me and, she helps me reason with myself. She's like, I think that maybe she was just caught up with 23 kids and that was the message she could send to you at the time. You might be onto something. I know. It's like, so it's, I battle with that still every day almost. Like, and that's why I still am regularly in therapy. It's why I'm on anxiety medication because it doesn't ever go away. Natural, I guess I've been an anxious person my whole life and didn't know it till I was So my frontal lobe had developed and, yeah, it's just now I'm medicated for it. That's a trigger. Yeah. I mean, the idea of upsetting

lisa: 36:58

anyone is a trigger, but I think I like what you said. And I think this goes for any people pleasers, if you're really resonating with us, I think that stopping and looking in the mirror and just saying, come to terms with it, don't fight against it. Obviously you are a good person down in your soul. Like you are not out to hurt anyone, but you have to live your life for you and for the people that really matter to you. And if that ends up. Ever so slightly inconveniencing someone along the way and causes them to use a period instead of an exclamation point, that is okay.

37:29

It's interesting that you say that too. It's something else that, kind of stems from my childhood that I forgot about that I like to talk about. Because I'm an Enneagram 8, and most Enneagram 8 women are. considered aggressive, loud and so whether it be like with like Outwardly loud or just like just kind of like wow, she's got a lot of energy like I can be seen. Yeah Yes a bit a word that gets used all the time for women in general not just type aids So now just going into women in general who do have that kind of energy is that they're a bitch So, I mean I was called a bitch so many times

lisa: 38:00

same girl. Yes. Yeah, so

38:01

like you're you're just a bitch So I think like hearing that so many times as a child and a teenager You which no child should ever hear that. I know, isn't that bizarre?

lisa: 38:09

Yeah.

38:10

it makes you think like everything you do as an adult

lisa: 38:13

Is

38:13

bitchy. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's just like, it's just emotion. Like, it's just a move. No. And, it's, and now I, Struggle with and it's still something that I have to learn to accept that like your intentions were not that so why are you putting That on yourself, you know, like you didn't send your kid to sick sick to school on purpose I'm gonna be a bitch to his teacher.

lisa: 38:32

So when your therapist initially pointed that out to you, like, did it click immediately? Were you like, oh, wow, yes, like the veil, like, was lifted and you saw it? Or did it take a little while to, like, recognize that and realize it?

38:44

I think it was one of those things that, the, the bitch thing was the first thing actually, which is why I think I sometimes forget about it. Okay. Yeah. And so she was like, were you ever called, like, a bitch as a teenager from your parents? And I was like, to my face, not as much, but I know that my mom would be like, God, you're being such a bitch or something like that. And then I would go to school and you would. Do some, like, I don't know. You would tell somebody, no, I'm not going to give you half of my bag of chips. But they're like, can I have a couple of those chips, man? I'm like, no. And they're like, god, you're being such a bitch. It's like, you learn that, like, sticking up for yourself and having those boundaries can be perceived that way by people who don't even necessarily intend for you to feel that way, but don't know how else to, like, express it. So she was the first one to be like, how often were you called a bitch? I was like, It's like way more often than I care to admit, So, that was the first thing and she was like, when that happened, what did you immediately want to do? It's like, okay, well now I want to give them my whole bag of chips. Cause like, I don't want them to feel that way. and she's like, that's how they feel is not your responsibility. And, that was like the, Oh, and then it took. probably three months of bi weekly sessions after that to nail down, like, for me to accept. I mean, she spent the next three months being like, you're a people pleaser, you're a people pleaser. And I'm like, no, I'm not. Like, I'm an integrant. We don't do that. Like, no. I do what I want when I want and I make decisions and I'm this boss girl. And she's like, no, deep down, you're like a little swishy animal that is like, Hiding in a dragon. And it's just

lisa: 40:05

beating yourself up over all these things you've done wrong to all of these people. Yeah.

40:09

So I'd say that most women with that exterior actually are very like truffle like on the inside and melty

lisa: 40:15

inside. Yes. I'm so glad I asked. I knew there had to have been a bigger story because I feel like you didn't always say that. I thought I noticed that was something I recently discovered I'm a recovering people pleaser, so I'm really glad I asked. That was, hardcore.

40:29

Some people are over thinkers and people pleasers, my daughter last night was like, wow, you are really over thinking this 10 word text message. Like, why are you doing that? So

lisa: 40:37

I do

40:38

fall into those things occasionally, but I think I associated people pleasers with, Being quiet or never making themselves known in a room. Like taking shit from someone. Because that's, I

lisa: 40:46

mean, like the trend I got was never cool with me. I was definitely very aggressive in that way. And so I think you assume, no, that's not me. It's the like quiet person that allows people to walk on over that, all over them and get picked on. But that's not always it. I don't know how we took that turn, but I'm glad we did. Very fascinating. Okay. I mean, we're coming, we're, we're doing pretty good on time. Don't ever listen to

41:08

me in 2x speed because I talk way too fast for 2x speed. But it's

lisa: 41:13

good. I feel like this podcast is probably not a very 2x speed friendly, especially because I use Descript too, and so I cut out all the word gaps and all the ums and uhs. If you do listen to Stiles Old Trap Conversations on 2x speed, I would like for you to let me know. I'm curious to hear if anybody does do that. Okay, well thank you, Kimber. I really appreciate you coming on. I didn't have anything else major that I felt like I really needed to dive into. This was everything I could have wanted and more. Hopefully, it answered Madeline's questions and anybody else's. you know, I think the biggest takeaways, and you feel free to chime in after if you have any, but the biggest takeaways I heard is just Going for it. Intentionality. Believing that you can. Choosing to do it. And learning about yourself all along the way and giving yourself credit and giving yourself grace and just knowing that we're all just doing the best we can and trying to get, trying to get through this. That, that's my takeaways.

42:09

Yeah, I would add to that, that like, the, Expanding on it, the choices you make every day, you make when you get out of bed, you are responsible for the entire day, I'm huge on accountability, you are responsible for your life every day, and you have the power to change it, nobody else does, and don't be afraid to be a bitch,

lisa: 42:24

Bingo, but then don't carry that shit through your head. for the rest of your life. Yes, don't carry

42:27

it. Mm hmm. Yeah.

lisa: 42:29

Let it go. We all need it. It sounds like you have a great therapist. I have not found a great therapist. I haven't tried very hard, but I've found a couple subpar therapists that I just kind of gave up. But it sounds like your therapist is amazing.

42:39

Yeah. Well, and I had a bad therapist and I thought that that's like all therapy. So definitely just keep trying and if it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. And like the, Therapist that I had for my marriage like our marriage therapist was so bad I honestly think that it that's what ruined our marriage. But again, that was a choice. I made the choice every week to Involve myself in that and I can't say for sure but like that's you there I think you're

lisa: 43:04

also comparing to a really good therapist that you've had for years. Exactly. Oh, yeah.

43:08

so yeah Take the time to research and keep trying until it gets right for sure

lisa: 43:13

Mm. Amazing. Okay, well, we can wrap it up at that then. I will leave all of Kimber's information. She's an open book. Reach out to her if any of this resonated with you and just check out what she's doing. We didn't even scratch the surface on all that is you. It doesn't surprise me that you went to school for marketing. Obviously, Kimber is a genius when it comes to branding, marketing. Her salon is so good. So beautiful. So incredible. It's been really cool to watch you grow into like this version of tone that you have right now. Like it really feels like there's a good, solid foundation there and it's like beautiful to watch. Like you are exactly where you're meant to be. You are supporting people in the way that you are meant to be supporting them right now. So I'm sure a lot of you listening already kind of follow Kimber and, and know her stuff, but she's amazing. So I will leave all of her information in the show notes and you guys can feel free to reach out if you want to.

44:00

for those kind words. I appreciate that.

lisa: 44:01

I love you, friend. Love you too. Bye.