Sign up for Mindset to Magic: https://stylistsoultribe.mykajabi.com/mindset-to-magic-sales-page
Connect with Lisa Huff
Sign up for Mindset to Magic: https://stylistsoultribe.mykajabi.com/mindset-to-magic-sales-page
Connect with Lisa Huff
Welcome to Stylist Soul Tribe Conversations. I'm your host, Lisa Huff. Over the last five years, I've coached hundreds of hairstylists and beauty industry professionals, helping them work their dream schedules exclusively with their dream clientele, and earn their dream income. income, all while fostering genuine connections and lifelong friendships inside the beauty industry. And this podcast, we dive deep into abundance, manifestation, business building strategies, and creating a life that you are truly proud of both behind the chair and at home. Are you ready to embark on a journey of personal growth, success, and sisterhood then hit that subscribe button now and get ready to experience the pure magic of Silas Old Tribe conversations.
Elgato Wave:3-1:Hello, friends. Welcome back to Stylus Soul Tribe Conversations. We have got a solo episode today, so it's just me and you. Hello! haPpy to be in your ear. What are you doing right now? Are you out for a walk? Are you cleaning your house? Are you driving in the car? I wish I could see what you were doing so that it felt a little bit more like I wasn't just talking into my phone right now. I use my phone to film solo episodes because the camera is better than my laptop. Anyway, let's get into it. So, this plopped in the other night when I was cleaning my house. I was listening to a podcast. Actually, nothing about this topic, but it was almost like a moment of white space for me, and this just kind of dropped in, and I wrote it down on a sticky note, and I was like, I want to do a podcast episode around my thoughts on a victim mentality.
Elgato Wave:3-2:You guys already know this. I've already said it. I have a little bit of a hard time staying on track with these solo episodes. This popped into my head because I put out a poll on Instagram a few weeks ago and I was like, what content do you want to see in 2024 from the podcast? And my like intro episode really resonated with a lot of you guys just like hearing a little bit more of my story, a little bit deeper. I've been getting a lot of feedback that that's the you guys want me to go. And it just kind of like, like I said, plopped in that this is like a very core value and core principle of who I am. As long as I can remember back, obviously when I was a kid, I have very vivid memories of having a victim mentality of just like, life's not fair, everything happens to me, but really like through my formative years and like developing this adult brain that exists in my head, in my skull right now this is like a core value of mine, and I find myself not judging in any way, but recognizing that People who either do or don't having, have a victim mentality and the correlation that that has to a lot of people's success. It just stands out to me. It's implanted in my brain because there are people in my life and in my world. That I see as an outside perspective looking in that suffer from a victim mentality, and I see how negatively it impacts them. And, for me, I just really, like, could recognize that right away, and that's something that I just, like I said, it's just a core value of mine, it's a core principle of mine, and I think it actually, like, has a lot to do with why I am who I am, and it's really easy for me to see When other people are falling victim to this mentality and how it affects them and even just like I said, like the overall like success, like the people that I really look up to, the people that I would like to emulate similar things to what they do I guess what is the opposite of a victim mentality, like having a creator's mentality, like you're in, in control, you make the decisions here, you're the creator Those people I really look up to and I just see a lot of people, they don't even recognize it because it's so instilled in who they are. So we're going to get really real in this episode. I just want to say off the bat I don't want to like hurt any feelings. If this sticks with you, take it. If it doesn't, leave it. This is just my perspective and my thoughts and I just kind of wanted to dive into like what a victim mentality means to me and maybe, unfortunately, point out some uncomfy characteristics that you might find yourself falling into and hopefully, all in all, just kind of like inspire you guys to recognize this in yourself because we all do it sometimes. Recognize it in yourself and try to Be inspired and motivated to let that go and move on to bigger and better things and leave the victim mentality in the past. So let's dive into it.
Elgato Wave:3-3:Okay, first things first, let's start off with, like, what does this even mean? Because it might mean something different to me than it means to you, so let's just, like, clarify what I'm talking about when I say a victim mentality. A victim mentality, also known as a victim mindset, refers to a psychological state where an individual perceives themselves as a constant victim of external circumstances. blaming others or outside factors for their challenges and difficulties. People with a victim mentality often feel powerless, believing that their problems are beyond their control, and they may struggle to take responsibility for their own actions. So some characteristics of a victim mentality may include Blaming others, constantly attributing challenges, setbacks, or failures to external sources, rather than taking personal responsibility, a lack of agency, feeling helpless or powerless to change one's circumstances, often leading to a sense, a sense of And that's why I'm here. resignation, negative outlook, folks focusing predominantly on the negative aspects of situations and overlooking opportunities for growth or improvement recurring patterns, engaging in a cycle of self pity and repeating the same patterns of behaviors without seeking positive change. So that's like between me, Google, and chat GPT, what I came up with is what I consider and how I want to refer to victim mentality. in this podcast episode. So, first of all, ouch, maybe. Maybe some of us were like, oof, you know, like, I maybe can see a little bit of that in myself.
Elgato Wave:3-4:If you are struggling right now in any sense of that word, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, all of the things, I want you to think and ask yourself Do I have a victim mentality around this? Now, I also feel a little bit irresponsible not pointing out that sometimes we absolutely are victims in stories. I mean, there's obviously like actual cases of like injustice, wrongdoings, actual like victim in the sense of the word. But let me say this, I myself and I know a lot of people who have truly, truly Truly, in every sense of the word, been a victim in a situation. Like, I'm talking like crime, assaults heavy things have been a victim in a situation. Again, the people that I look up to, the people that inspire me, the stories I've read, the authors, the mentors, the whatever you want to call them, the people that I find so inspiring and I look up to, even in situations when they are a victim in every sense of the word, the people who don't adopt a victim mentality when the whole world, on some circumstances, they have every right to because what has happened to them is actually wrong and wasn't in their control and shouldn't be their situation. The people who really stand out to me is the ones who find in those situations specifically to still say, okay, this happened. It's happened maybe for a reason, maybe not. That can be a little bit of toxic positivity. Don't have to say that everything happens for a reason, but I'm not gonna stay in that mentality. I'm gonna take control. I'm gonna take the reins. I'm gonna become the creator in this situation again, and I'm not gonna stay there. So, I do feel my responsibility is to touch. Of course, there are sometimes people truly are victims. I don't want to, like, sugarcoat over that. But a lot of the circumstances and a lot of our situations in life outside of those very extreme circumstances, I encourage you to stop and ask yourself, do you feel powerless in this situation? Do you feel like this is out of your control? Do you feel like external circumstances have put you in this situation. That's victim mentality. That's, I hate to say what irks me, that's what, in my opinion, we should try to be striving to get away from because nothing positive comes from living there for very long.
Elgato Wave:3-5:So I don't know when this became seared into my being I'm trying to think back on, like, situations or stories when I just decided that I wasn't going to adopt that and participate in a victim mentality I think watching people make poor life choices, poor life decisions, and Watching the repercussions of those decisions come into their life and watching them be I don't know if surprised is the right word, but feel like, oh, it just ain't fair, life ain't fair you know, the government doesn't take care of you, or your, you know, spouse doesn't do what they should do, or your parents, or your children, or your siblings or your boss or your coworker or your church or your, like, feeling like other people should be doing something for you. Like, I don't, again, I don't know when it happened, but that just became so unattractive to me. And I was like, if I want something, I'm going to get it for myself. Or if I found myself in a situation that I don't love and I'm not, like, um, content with rather than just like sitting around talking about why that's like such a bummer and all these circumstances that led me to this. Like I said, yeah, I really think I like that analogy of like what is the opposite of a victim. It's a creator. Like I'm gonna choose to write a different story here. I'm gonna choose to do something So like, what are some situations I can think of? I found myself young, a young mom, broke, no money. And I put myself in that situation. Obviously I was young. I didn't have any of the tools that I needed, but like I was on food stamps. I was getting WIC. I was, you know, living in a, in a double wide trailer at one point. And instead of saying like, Oh, life's so hard. Like, you know, this, didn't take care of me, or this didn't take care of me, or my parents didn't pick up the, you know, slack, or my, you know, my, my work doesn't promote me, or all these things aren't just, like, falling into my lap like they are for other people. Like, that just never was my thought, and I just can see when other people are in that, and it's probably really hard to see it for yourself, so I hope that all these examples I'm giving are maybe, like, giving you little glimmers of, like, shit, I kind of do do that. It's just always been in me of like, why the fuck would anybody else do that for me? Like, this is either, like, if I've got, if I find myself in this situation, like, I find it so incredibly empowering rather than sitting around thinking, oh, it's not fair that things are this way or that way. I find it so empowering to say I can make things different. I have the ability. I mean, look at all the, the proof. Look at all these people who have made things different. I have it in me what it takes to, to change my circumstances and I just go out and do it. And again, I never want to sound like high on my horse or anything because I know it's not that easy to just go out and do it for some people, but I really, really, really, I think, I think personal growth and self development, like step one is awareness and I don't know if I can break through to people who have this mentality, really hardcore, but I just highly encourage you to just hold a mirror up to yourself and think like, Am I having a victim mentality in this situation? Do I think someone else should come in and be the knight in shining armor that saves me from this situation? Do I think I was so wronged maybe 20 years ago that, like, that's why I'm still here? Like, do you always find yourself repeating old stories of what got you here?
Elgato Wave:3-6:This also kind of goes back to the podcast episode a few episodes back when Leisha and I were just chit chatting about like expectations. I think it's almost like a victim mentality and expectations go so hand in hand where like, again, just a core principle of mine, I expect truly almost nothing from people. And I appreciate everything that I can, and so I'm never left thinking, like, this person didn't do good enough, or, like, this should be this way, or, like, my family should behave this way, or my friends should do this, or my work should do this. Like, it's just, like, again, I feel so So in that creator position that I don't need anyone else to do any of those things for me, like I'd almost rather them not because it's not as empowering. I don't know. I don't know. It's so weird to explain, but it goes like hand in hand with just like the true like zero lack of expectations for anyone, like people, everyone. In my opinion, everyone, I don't know. I mean, there are, there are some shitty people in the world. Sure. I'm trying to think of an example of one. I truly believe everyone is doing the best they can with the tools that they have, even everyone that's just garbage. What's the tools that they have? What's the hand that they've been dealt? So anytime I feel like, you know, someone is being conniving or sneaky or unfair or injustice or things like that, I'm just like, they are doing the best they have with the tools. The best they can with the tools that they have. And that gives me a level of empathy while also not like sinking to that with them. Like, I have tools. I, and if I don't have the tool right now at my disposal, I can find it. I can explore. I can create it. And again, it's jumping into that creator mindset rather than a victim mindset.
Elgato Wave:3-7:So speaking of tools, I have some points that I want to share to help you recognize and overcome a victim mentality. So like I said, step one is awareness reflection. I encourage you guys to reflect on your own personal thoughts and emotions. If there's something in your life right now that like you don't feel super good about, it's like a constant, you know, stress, negative thought pattern. Like, Stop and ask yourself, is that stemming from a victim mentality or from a creator mentality? Ask yourself if you tend to blame external factors for your challenges or if you choose to take proactive steps to address them. Another thing that I have found really important and really helpful is language awareness. This can be the woo, this can be the law of attraction. Pay attention to the language that you use within your own self talk and conversations. A victim mentality involves phrases like, I have to, I can't, or it's not fair. I want to really encourage you to start to catch that and notice that and start to shift that and use empowering language that focuses on personal agency and choice. So rather than saying, I can't, or I have to, like, every time you catch that coming out of your mouth or popping into your head, like, I challenge that. You don't have to do anything. You have to do very few things. We do have to pay taxes if we don't want to go to jail, but like, most things that are upsetting you if you put your creator mindset hat on and change that language and change that thought process I think you're going to find that helpful.
Elgato Wave:3-8:Also, be aware of like externalizing versus internalizing. Do you externalize your problems? Do you attribute them to everything outside of you? Or do you internalize them and take responsibility for your actions? Not saying one's right or wrong, because some of you internalize way too much. It's finding, finding a good balance. There are obviously sometimes external circumstances that lead you into a position that you're in. But again, it's just not sinking into that, like, it should be different. There's no way. out of this, no solution out of this, find that like balance and notice that. I would also highly encourage you when you find yourself speaking, going about your life, try to focus on solutions. Evaluate whether you primarily dwell on problems or do you actively seek solutions? Do you find yourself just complaining about shit for the sake of complaining about it with no, you don't want the person in front of you to provide a solution, you're going to have a reason why that's. solution won't work. You've already like said, there's no solution here. It is what it is. Like notice that if you are someone that finds yourself in that situation a lot, try to actively seek solutions. Try to shift your mindset towards problem solving and identifying actionable steps to address challenges rather than just accepting that it is what it is.
Elgato Wave:3-9:Another major helpful practice that I can think of when it comes to trying to shake a victim mentality, if that's kind of naturally ingrained in you, you've been that way for a long time, you were raised that way, you want to change it, is having some like accountability in your world. So I'm going to say right now, if anyone's listening to this podcast right now, and you hear me falling into a victim mentality, Later in life months from now years from now call it call it out on me. Like say it like hey, I love you I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but like I'm gonna challenge your way of thinking right now I try to do that in the most loving way. Sometimes it's it's hard, but that's like what comes with having a coach That's what comes with being in a mastermind is allowing someone to say I hear you. I feel you. This is tough, but I'm going to challenge your beliefs right now. Can you like give me a second to do that? And just point them, like maybe tell a different story, point them in a different direction where they can think like, Oh, wow, that was so blocked off in my brain. I didn't even like think that that was a possibility. So if you're listening to this, obviously if you're in my world and I coach you regularly, I kind of find myself doing this stuff a lot. If you are not, and you want to Start to adopt this. Talk to some of your close people. Say like, send them this podcast episode. Say like, this is something I really want to work on this year. I find myself doing it. I'm giving you permission. With love. Don't throw it in my face. Don't make me feel bad about it. But like, with love, can you call me out when you hear me doing this? And again, this is an open invitation to everyone to call me out. When they're doing this. I wonder if my husband's going to listen to this episode specifically because he's probably the one that that hears me fall into that the worst because he's the closest to me. So Ryan, even you, you can call out my victim mentality when I sink into it. Because again, we all do. I just think this is one of those things that really stands out to me is like a bit of a line in the sand where I can recognize this person does this a lot. And this is why they struggle a lot. This person has that creator mindset and nothing's stopping them. And it's if you can try to figure out a way to adopt that into your own brainwaves, it's very powerful.
Elgato Wave:3-10:Try to really embrace self awareness and, like, acceptance and judgment free and, like, go into this judgment free because there's no need to beat yourself up over it. Like, this was obviously, if you have this in you, you probably are around people all the time that have this. You probably were raised by people who have this and it's just So second nature to you. Like you may realize your clients complain all the time and then you find yourself complaining. Like one thing I can say that is really empowering rather than trying to change other people, like every here and there, obviously my coaching clients, they have given me permission to coach them. People in my life who aren't coaching clients, like I really have to bite my tongue when I think about this because they're not asking for my feedback. They're not asking to be coached in that situation. Sometimes they just want to vent sometimes like don't go out. trying to like change everyone and point out victim mentalities and people who haven't asked you to do that. However, have your feelers on, have your like awareness on to people who really live in that creator mindset. Be attuned to that. Think of people that you know right off the bat that like, that's who you think of and try to gravitate more towards those people. That's what I try to do. Because I find myself when I. Get around people that complain more like there's, there's just all these like things where there's just more negativity really try to just like seek out those people who are like speaking ideas, speaking solutions, speaking positively rather than just like sulking in the yuck. Highly encourage that.
Elgato Wave:3-11:Okay, and then I think how I want to wrap up this episode, I honestly didn't even have this in my talking points, but like, I think this is a good little tidbit to end on. This actually just came up in a hot seat the other day inside of Stylist's Old Tribe. Okay, going back to what I said in the beginning of like, I'm not being insensitive. There are situations where people truly are victims. I also want to like briefly touch on like if you are still actively grieving something, if you are still like shit can be hard. Like I hope that the message through all this is not just like suck it up buttercup and move on. Give that the time and space that it needs and then try to as fast as you can. I take back as fast as you can. Try to in your own time when the time feels right, adopting back into that like empowered creator mindset when you can. One more thing because this just came up, like I said, during a hot seat. A lot of people, this head came up during the vision casting workshop while we were reflecting on the year, this comes up for a lot of things, some people are holding on to such deep resentment, anger, sadness, grief, things that negatively to them where it's easy to take on that victim mindset that is really, really, really hard to let go of. Like this is deep shit, hard to let go of, highly recommend, like talk to your therapist, do what you gotta do. I'm not saying that that's like my role or I know what I'm talking about with any of that. But one thing that has really helped with me let go of like, old, old, old, long term resentment that would, like, bubble up for no reason, that I'd, like, get mad at people in my life and in my world, like, when it was so long ago and it isn't even relevant anymore. I highly encourage you if it is a person specifically that you like have this vicar mentality around maybe even if it's a circumstance, I don't know. I really love a good release exercise. So what was really helpful for me, I can think of two specific times I've done this. I'm not going to name names just to keep my, you know, personal life kind of out of it. I can think of two specific circumstances where there was people that I didn't want to cut out of my life completely, but that I, I would find myself either getting so angry at them because of their behaviors and what they were doing or I'd find myself like old things would bubble up for me and like I'd find myself still upset about things from the past or, you know, kind of sinking into that victim mentality. It s very, very, very helpful to write a letter to that person. You don t have to give it to them. Get all of your thoughts and feelings out. Talk about how fucked up what that person has done to you, who that person is the way they ve made you feel your, your whole life or for a period of time, the damage that they ve done to you and your world. Let it all out. Like if you were to tell that person that circumstance, we can call it even a circumstance. Like let's say it was like, I don't know, an act of God. Like let's say you had a house fire. Let's say the pandemic. Like whatever it is, that one thing that you find yourself just like stuck in where it's hard to, where you recognize there may be some victim mentality there. Write it all out. Get all the feelings out. This was wrong. This shouldn't have happened. I didn't deserve this. This was fucked up. You're fucked up. Fold the letter up, leave it for a while, and then realize there may be 30 more things that you want to add to it later. Get to the point where you feel like you have let it all out. Take your time. It may take a month to do this practice. Get all of the thoughts out, that you either want to tell that person, that circumstance, that loss, whatever it is. And then, this is helpful for me, this is not going to land for everybody, but I've done this before, and I'm telling you guys, it literally dissipated my resentment. Then, I want you to safely Burn that letter. Some woo people tell me that a full moon is powerful. I don't really understand all of this stuff, but I've done it outside under a full moon on concrete so that it doesn't, you know, catch anything on fire. People will do it over their kitchen sink. Do it safely, obviously. But there's something really powerful in releasing that. And you think like, okay, I know all this. What difference does it make if I write it out and I release it? It's not saying that what that person did or how that circumstance impacted you. And maybe in the true sense of the word, you were a victim in that situation. It is saying, I am letting it all out. I am processing it and I am releasing it. And I don't hold that person, that thing, any of that responsibility anymore. It was fucked up. It is what it is. Maybe you can say I forgive you. That was helpful for me. I'm releasing this. I'm letting it go. You guys, energetically, something has changed when I have done that before. So I know that's talked about a lot. This just came up in a hot seat and I asked the person. There was I won't give too many details, but there was something that kept coming up for her that was kind of irrelevant to what she was dealing with currently. But it kept coming up, kept coming up. It was like an old childhood story. And I said, have you ever written a letter to that person? Like, have you? And I thought she was going to say yes, because I've been working with her for a while and she does a lot of healing. Like, I thought she was going to say yes. She's like, no, honestly, I never have. And I'm like, I need you. to really spend some time and write a letter about everything about that situation and what has seemed wrong, every wrongdoing, every little microscopic, you know, everything. I don't want to give too many details. Everything. Take your time. It took me a while to write mine. And when you're ready, when you feel like you've let it all out, Burn that letter and then you can realize in the future whether this person does something that triggers you again or something comes up You're like, oh we've hashed that out. I forgave you. I have empathy I realize you were doing the best you could with the tools that you had. I am no longer a victim of that situation We're moving on. I don't know if that's going to work for all of you, but it's been very helpful for me. And like I said, this was not in my talking points at all, this release at the end of all of it, but it just kind of felt appropriate. So I threw it in. So I hope that that lands with some of you. I hope that that's helpful. I'm sure all of you are going to take something very different out of this podcast episode because I'm obviously speaking very vaguely. But like I said, I was just cleaning the other day and it popped in. I'm like, I should do a podcast episode about victim mentality. People want to hear like the deep, deep of how I think. That's a core value of mine. A core principle of mine is that is something I try really, really, really hard to avoid. And I try to recognize it when I find myself in it and get out of it quickly if I can. So, if this podcast spoke to you, meant anything to you, shoot me a message. Let's keep talking. I would love to hear it. I haven't said it in a while, so I'm just going to say it because it's a solo episode and here I am with my mic thinking of these things. If you guys are enjoying this podcast, I would love for you to leave a review wherever you're listening to it. Feel free to take a screenshot and post it in your story. Those things really do help me a lot. If you like this episode, if you like these types of conversations, if you want me to keep having more of these, tell me, and I'll keep doing them. You just gotta keep sharing what questions are coming up, what breakthroughs you're having, what ahas you're having. If you disagree with anything I said in this, I'm also open to talk about that if you feel strongly about it, so I love you all so much. Thank you so much for listening. I am grateful as fuck for you and I will talk to you again next week.